Why not? It's been a minute.
May. 6th, 2026 12:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
huxleyenne posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
addmeName: Risa
Age: 37
I mostly post about: Writing, exercising, shows I'm watching, or any old thing that's on my mind.
My hobbies are: Fanfiction (reading and writing), sports (watching), anime/manga, older video games, long walks, playing with animals. I dabble in a lot of little things, but mostly, I'm a writer.
My fandoms are: WWE (specifically the little corner of tumblr that still likes The Shield. I'll never let Roman live Rolleigns or Ambreigns down) Final Fantasy IX, Persona 5, Pokemon, Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Survivor, and many others.
I'm looking to meet people who: I want a variety of people to talk to, but I'm not looking for anyone to sell me new interests or criticize my current ones. I have my own reasons for what interests me, and it doesn't matter if those reasons are superficial. I want people with a "Live and Let Live" mentality when it comes to fandom, but also, who feels comfortable leaving the occasional comment.
My posting schedule tends to be: Sporadic, but daily posting is my goal.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: MAGA, performative activism, disagreeable/argumentative people who can't help themselves, plus anyone who makes or agrees with statements calling for the general mass harm of US American citizens (or anyone around the world, yes, but listen.) Personally, I fucking hate MAGA, never voted for the clown king regardless of what anyone else did, but I am so sick of random self-righteous assholes saying cruel shit about my country's working people. Any of my country's working people, including ones scammed into morally reprehensible work. We should be changing their minds, not calling for their harm. Yes, that work is never done and we're all tired, but consider this: there are billionaires and politicians causing real harm in real time while some people are seriously still out here policing fandoms and cancelling low hanging fruit like they're accomplishing anything. That's a fucking joke if you ask me. And you know what? You do you, but please, skip friending me if this is you.
Before adding me, you should know: I am a passionate, friendly person. I want to talk to people in a light and fun way, hang out, do fandom as chill as I can. This is stress relief from work. I don't want to treat it like an obligation or something I have to think too hard about. Naturally, there's nothing I wouldn't ask of people that I'm not willing to give in return. :)
Age: 37
I mostly post about: Writing, exercising, shows I'm watching, or any old thing that's on my mind.
My hobbies are: Fanfiction (reading and writing), sports (watching), anime/manga, older video games, long walks, playing with animals. I dabble in a lot of little things, but mostly, I'm a writer.
My fandoms are: WWE (specifically the little corner of tumblr that still likes The Shield. I'll never let Roman live Rolleigns or Ambreigns down) Final Fantasy IX, Persona 5, Pokemon, Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Survivor, and many others.
I'm looking to meet people who: I want a variety of people to talk to, but I'm not looking for anyone to sell me new interests or criticize my current ones. I have my own reasons for what interests me, and it doesn't matter if those reasons are superficial. I want people with a "Live and Let Live" mentality when it comes to fandom, but also, who feels comfortable leaving the occasional comment.
My posting schedule tends to be: Sporadic, but daily posting is my goal.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: MAGA, performative activism, disagreeable/argumentative people who can't help themselves, plus anyone who makes or agrees with statements calling for the general mass harm of US American citizens (or anyone around the world, yes, but listen.) Personally, I fucking hate MAGA, never voted for the clown king regardless of what anyone else did, but I am so sick of random self-righteous assholes saying cruel shit about my country's working people. Any of my country's working people, including ones scammed into morally reprehensible work. We should be changing their minds, not calling for their harm. Yes, that work is never done and we're all tired, but consider this: there are billionaires and politicians causing real harm in real time while some people are seriously still out here policing fandoms and cancelling low hanging fruit like they're accomplishing anything. That's a fucking joke if you ask me. And you know what? You do you, but please, skip friending me if this is you.
Before adding me, you should know: I am a passionate, friendly person. I want to talk to people in a light and fun way, hang out, do fandom as chill as I can. This is stress relief from work. I don't want to treat it like an obligation or something I have to think too hard about. Naturally, there's nothing I wouldn't ask of people that I'm not willing to give in return. :)
Alone
May. 3rd, 2026 04:03 pmspringsodas
"Looking back on it, I probably should have realized then that you had become more than just a friend to me."
It has been many a month since I last drew any Leonardo x Cecilia, and even longer since I drew Cecilia in her original human form. Hell, I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've drawn anything romance-tinged with Cece as a human. (Then again, it's a lot easier to give them soft, fluffy moments after her turtle transformation happens. Prior to that, it's pretty much angst-central.)
Thought process with this is that they somehow ended up in a sort of survival situation. Maybe they washed up on a desert island, maybe there was the usual dimension-hopping shenanigans—either way, Leo is separated from his brothers and the only one he has to rely on is Cece. They end up bonding a lot during their time alone and when they go to sleep one night, Leo embraces her from behind. He thought at the time he was just trying to help her stay warm, but... no, he just wanted to be close to her.
Note: While this is meant to be 2003-verse, I did draw Leonardo with gear loosely inspired by the look he has in the new Empire City game. Still mad I can't play it, but VR headsets are expensive and I don't even have anyone to play it with. (It's one of those games that heavily emphasizes multiplayer...)
Writing biographies is hard...
May. 2nd, 2026 12:40 pmspringsodasI've been trying to write up something to put in my About page over on Neocities so that I can finally make a little progress towards finally making use of my site, but... well, explaining who I am and what I do is a little tricky. Like okay, I do art, I do writing, I stream on Twitch, and I've become something of a proponent for utilizing alternatives to corporate social media and web services, but how do I talk about that? Unless you're asking me about the shows I watch, the games I enjoy, and the characters I gush over, I can't talk about things at a length for shit.
On a less pleasant note, besides the creeper who showed up in my chat who asked me to friend him on Discord likely so he could hit on me in private, the VOD for my Sims 2 stream last night was muted and it's even worse than what happened with one of my Stardew Valley streams; first, it got muted in two areas for around 2 - 3 minutes each, which is already annoying. But unlike last time where Twitch got the in-game music mixed up with an AI "cover" that didn't even try to sound different from the original, this time... it's literally just the in-game music. Like full stop, the literal audio, which is covered under fair use for streaming purposes. And while I can be a little forgiving of one of the songs because it's an actual classical piece, the other was just one of the build themes. Like what the fuck, Twitch?
Anyway, I'm looking towards my goals for May this month, a lot of which is self-improvement kind of stuff. Some of it is basic "being a human being" like fixing my sleep schedule, eating healthier, going outside, and getting more exercise, but I also wanna work more on properly blocking out my time and budgeting my money; I know I'm being a Captain Obvious when I say "things have gotten expensive," but... things have gotten expensive. Really expensive. So expensive that I pretty much told myself that I'm going to spend this month figuring out how much of my expenses go towards necessities like food, clothes, and household supplies so that I know how much money I can put aside for things that are "for fun." I also need to finally sit down and get my room cleaned up. I've been living in a pigsty for ages and having a clean space to live in would do wonders for me. (It's mostly just... starting, really. And also making sure to sort things into bags of "keep," "donate/sell," and "toss," and arranging things with my parents so we can do the second.)
I'm also working more on managing my mental health better... I mentioned in my last post that I struggle a bit with intrusive thoughts and actually doing what people say and just letting the thought happen while acknowledging it is just an intrusive thought is doing a lot to alleviate the distress/anxiety I feel when one happens and make them go away faster. (It even works when dealing with a sudden, angry thought. Huh.) I'm also reminding myself that it's okay to make and create things I enjoy while still being critical of the mentalities surrounding them. I've realized recently I've been holding myself back from drawing and writing things I want to make because some people might see them as contradictory to my views. I mean I have some pretty harsh criticisms of shipping culture, yet I do enjoy drawing and writing romance-focused fanworks. Isn't that kind of hypocritical on my end? And that ultimately ends up leading to a lot of unnecessary stress, which is incredibly exhausting and just... demotivates me from making anything at the end of the day.
There are quite a few other things I'm trying to be better about, but some of those are probably worth discussing at another time if I feel like it. Right now, I got a R.E.P.O. session with friends coming up before tonight's House Flipper session and I am very excited for that.
On a less pleasant note, besides the creeper who showed up in my chat who asked me to friend him on Discord likely so he could hit on me in private, the VOD for my Sims 2 stream last night was muted and it's even worse than what happened with one of my Stardew Valley streams; first, it got muted in two areas for around 2 - 3 minutes each, which is already annoying. But unlike last time where Twitch got the in-game music mixed up with an AI "cover" that didn't even try to sound different from the original, this time... it's literally just the in-game music. Like full stop, the literal audio, which is covered under fair use for streaming purposes. And while I can be a little forgiving of one of the songs because it's an actual classical piece, the other was just one of the build themes. Like what the fuck, Twitch?
Anyway, I'm looking towards my goals for May this month, a lot of which is self-improvement kind of stuff. Some of it is basic "being a human being" like fixing my sleep schedule, eating healthier, going outside, and getting more exercise, but I also wanna work more on properly blocking out my time and budgeting my money; I know I'm being a Captain Obvious when I say "things have gotten expensive," but... things have gotten expensive. Really expensive. So expensive that I pretty much told myself that I'm going to spend this month figuring out how much of my expenses go towards necessities like food, clothes, and household supplies so that I know how much money I can put aside for things that are "for fun." I also need to finally sit down and get my room cleaned up. I've been living in a pigsty for ages and having a clean space to live in would do wonders for me. (It's mostly just... starting, really. And also making sure to sort things into bags of "keep," "donate/sell," and "toss," and arranging things with my parents so we can do the second.)
I'm also working more on managing my mental health better... I mentioned in my last post that I struggle a bit with intrusive thoughts and actually doing what people say and just letting the thought happen while acknowledging it is just an intrusive thought is doing a lot to alleviate the distress/anxiety I feel when one happens and make them go away faster. (It even works when dealing with a sudden, angry thought. Huh.) I'm also reminding myself that it's okay to make and create things I enjoy while still being critical of the mentalities surrounding them. I've realized recently I've been holding myself back from drawing and writing things I want to make because some people might see them as contradictory to my views. I mean I have some pretty harsh criticisms of shipping culture, yet I do enjoy drawing and writing romance-focused fanworks. Isn't that kind of hypocritical on my end? And that ultimately ends up leading to a lot of unnecessary stress, which is incredibly exhausting and just... demotivates me from making anything at the end of the day.
There are quite a few other things I'm trying to be better about, but some of those are probably worth discussing at another time if I feel like it. Right now, I got a R.E.P.O. session with friends coming up before tonight's House Flipper session and I am very excited for that.
(no subject)
Apr. 30th, 2026 08:32 pmmidnight_heavenly_bodiesSorry I've not posted too much lately. Work has kept me busy, and my brain is just kinda... jumbled. Things are okay here, not good, not super bad. Unfortunately, my mom's cancer is worse and spreading. She has an appointment on the 6th of May with her oncologist to discuss what's next. I'm pretty broken hearted, tbh. My mom is my best friend, and I'm scared.
I'm trying to stay positive and whatnot but it's getting harder. I have a doctor's appointment myself on Monday (a physical, because I haven't had one in like... three years), and I don't know if I'll be able to hold it together when my doctor asks how I'm doing.
I'm trying to stay positive and whatnot but it's getting harder. I have a doctor's appointment myself on Monday (a physical, because I haven't had one in like... three years), and I don't know if I'll be able to hold it together when my doctor asks how I'm doing.
Beside myself
Apr. 30th, 2026 07:31 pmbeebalmToday has been... much. It started on too little sleep, too many meetings, and ended on such a heavy note. I want to write about this in more detail, but I am not sure what the current DW etiquette is. It involves very heavy subjects.
Intrusive Thoughts Suck.avi
Apr. 30th, 2026 10:56 amspringsodas- Result of anxiety/fear
- Happens out of nowhere
- Can range from mildly irritating to very disturbing
- Never reflective of my beliefs and values
- Sometimes involve actions I would never do (ex: making a mean comment on someone's post with the intent to start an argument)
- Trying to push the thought away makes it persist and sometimes even worsens/intensifies it
- Apparently, the main and most effective way of dealing with intrusive thoughts is to just let the thought happen without trying to fight it, which is easier said than done when you don't want to have it to begin with.
give me life, give me pain, give me myself again
Apr. 30th, 2026 12:41 ambeebalmWell, here we are. Midnight, and I’m finally getting to sit down and decompress after a long day of work, running errands for my elderly parents, making dinner, going for a walk at a local state park, and a short session at the gym.
While I was toiling over the stove and questioning my life choices (namely, why on earth I agreed to be the primary caregiver to my parents), I had a sudden burst of nostalgia and started remembering an old-school group chat made up of my old LiveJournal friends. I started to pine for that old community we used to have. I know it won’t ever be recreated exactly, but I’m hoping to build something that resembles it here.
In between cleaning up and waiting on various sides to finish cooking, this journal was born.
In truth, I can’t say I’m the most interesting person. I work full time at my home office job and then have caregiving duties in the evening. I don’t have the time to fully pursue all of my interests with my workload, manage my own chronic illnesses, and somehow find time to sleep (which is sporadic and inconsistent, at best).
I think one of my biggest goals for this year is to reconnect with myself and who I was pre-COVID. It disabled both of my parents suddenly and unexpectedly, and they weren’t financially prepared. They moved in, and I lost a lot of what felt authentically me. I know things won’t go back to “normal,” but I have been taking steps, which I feel proud of, honestly.
So even if I have to take my walks after dark and hit the gym at midnight, that’s fine. Progress is being made. I’m not letting the regret and depression win.
Oh and I’m living for the end of May and July because I DO have some trips planned and already paid for. Just have to stave off the burnout until then.
While I was toiling over the stove and questioning my life choices (namely, why on earth I agreed to be the primary caregiver to my parents), I had a sudden burst of nostalgia and started remembering an old-school group chat made up of my old LiveJournal friends. I started to pine for that old community we used to have. I know it won’t ever be recreated exactly, but I’m hoping to build something that resembles it here.
In between cleaning up and waiting on various sides to finish cooking, this journal was born.
In truth, I can’t say I’m the most interesting person. I work full time at my home office job and then have caregiving duties in the evening. I don’t have the time to fully pursue all of my interests with my workload, manage my own chronic illnesses, and somehow find time to sleep (which is sporadic and inconsistent, at best).
I think one of my biggest goals for this year is to reconnect with myself and who I was pre-COVID. It disabled both of my parents suddenly and unexpectedly, and they weren’t financially prepared. They moved in, and I lost a lot of what felt authentically me. I know things won’t go back to “normal,” but I have been taking steps, which I feel proud of, honestly.
So even if I have to take my walks after dark and hit the gym at midnight, that’s fine. Progress is being made. I’m not letting the regret and depression win.
Oh and I’m living for the end of May and July because I DO have some trips planned and already paid for. Just have to stave off the burnout until then.
Let's dust this off.
Apr. 29th, 2026 07:52 pmbeebalmI miss the old internet and I miss writing for myself online so I've found myself back here again after over a decade.
I'm not sure exactly what this space will be yet, but you're more than welcome to come along for the ride if anything about my page intrigues you.
Please drop a little comment here and introduce yourself if you decide to follow. :D
I'm not sure exactly what this space will be yet, but you're more than welcome to come along for the ride if anything about my page intrigues you.
Please drop a little comment here and introduce yourself if you decide to follow. :D
It's been a while since I last posted, so here we go again!
Apr. 28th, 2026 10:39 pmmidnight_heavenly_bodies posting in addmeName: C.K. or Chester
Age: 36, nearly 37, growing old mandatory, growing up optional
I mostly post about: Culture Club/Boy George & Jon Moss (my hyperfixation of 22 years and counting), Linkin Park, wrestling (classic SMW/WWF, Jim Cornette, and my deeply cursed WWE 2K25 Universe), my OCs who are realer to me than most people, witchcraft/spirit work/folk healing/moon rituals/grief magic, retro gaming, emotional overshares that read like journal entries from a possessed poet, fanfiction that makes people unwell at 2am, chaos, and the occasional Reddit food rabbit hole
My hobbies are: Writing fic that's 70% emotional breakdown, 20% worldbuilding, and 10% people getting railed in a meaningful way, hexing cults with sigils and sass, collecting music like a religion, drawing OCs, being a haunted glitter goblin with eyeliner and vengeance, building 48-year fanfiction universes with fully documented timelines and named children, going to work like a normal person and coming home a completely different entity I'm currently contemplating doing a vlog on youtube.
My fandoms are: Culture Club (I'm writing a massive AU called Colour By Numbers spanning 1978-2026), Linkin Park (Bennoda forever), wrestling (SMW/WWF/WCW but mainly the universes in my head)
I'm looking for people who: are too weird for Reddit, too raw for Instagram, too smart for Twitter/X, overshare about their OCs like a religion, cry over character development, understand that Jon Moss deserved better, write long posts, and don't find it weird that I've named all the children in my fictional universe including the surprise baby
My posting schedule: Erratic. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes I vanish for three weeks and return with an entire AU timeline and a new OC
Before adding me: I'm a trans man (he/him, they/them). Autistic and ADHD. I write mpreg unapologetically. I am a Zionist and tired of explaining what that actually means. Pro-AI. I smoke weed. I am extremely defensive of Jon Moss and will write essays about it. My AO3 is CampCornette69 and yes that's a wrestling reference. If you want an even more in-depth about me, click this link for my about post.
Age: 36, nearly 37, growing old mandatory, growing up optional
I mostly post about: Culture Club/Boy George & Jon Moss (my hyperfixation of 22 years and counting), Linkin Park, wrestling (classic SMW/WWF, Jim Cornette, and my deeply cursed WWE 2K25 Universe), my OCs who are realer to me than most people, witchcraft/spirit work/folk healing/moon rituals/grief magic, retro gaming, emotional overshares that read like journal entries from a possessed poet, fanfiction that makes people unwell at 2am, chaos, and the occasional Reddit food rabbit hole
My hobbies are: Writing fic that's 70% emotional breakdown, 20% worldbuilding, and 10% people getting railed in a meaningful way, hexing cults with sigils and sass, collecting music like a religion, drawing OCs, being a haunted glitter goblin with eyeliner and vengeance, building 48-year fanfiction universes with fully documented timelines and named children, going to work like a normal person and coming home a completely different entity I'm currently contemplating doing a vlog on youtube.
My fandoms are: Culture Club (I'm writing a massive AU called Colour By Numbers spanning 1978-2026), Linkin Park (Bennoda forever), wrestling (SMW/WWF/WCW but mainly the universes in my head)
I'm looking for people who: are too weird for Reddit, too raw for Instagram, too smart for Twitter/X, overshare about their OCs like a religion, cry over character development, understand that Jon Moss deserved better, write long posts, and don't find it weird that I've named all the children in my fictional universe including the surprise baby
My posting schedule: Erratic. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes I vanish for three weeks and return with an entire AU timeline and a new OC
Dealbreakers: Racism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, antisemitism, being a dick, Scientology apologists, anyone who thinks Mike Shinoda is evil because of an Instagram reel, "isn't wrestling fake?", "you still like Linkin Park?", and anti-Zionists/anti-Israel people.
Before adding me: I'm a trans man (he/him, they/them). Autistic and ADHD. I write mpreg unapologetically. I am a Zionist and tired of explaining what that actually means. Pro-AI. I smoke weed. I am extremely defensive of Jon Moss and will write essays about it. My AO3 is CampCornette69 and yes that's a wrestling reference. If you want an even more in-depth about me, click this link for my about post.
Add Me?
Apr. 28th, 2026 06:20 pmdeadweightat7am posting in addmeName: Lauren
Age: 37
I mostly post about: My life, things that are going on for me, I use this thing like a journal. I was super active on LJ from the time was 13 to about 24? I miss the good old days.
My hobbies are: Binging reality TV (Bravo, mostly), reading, photography, thrifting/vintage, shopping and the like
Interest: Concerts, Sleep Token, Sailor Moon (old 90's anime), Neon Genesis Evangelion, Cooking & baking, Fitness, Reality Tv (Bravo), Horror, Halloween, Movies, Reading (mostly Suspense/Mystery/Thrillers)...
I'm looking to meet people who: Who post pretty regularly and like to chat and get to know other people. I miss the connections I once had through LJ with people all over the world. I don't really participate in fandoms, so I don't have much to add in that arena.
My posting schedule tends to be: A couple times a week is what I'm aiming for
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: I don't get along with anyone who says that they hate kids or animals. Totally okay to not have either of those things, or want them, but hating is a hard pass for me.
Before adding me, you should know: I'm at constant odds with loving humanity but being very disappointed in people. Does that make sense?
Hi!
Apr. 28th, 2026 07:52 pmthispatternismine posting in addmeName: The Pattern
Age: 40s
I mostly post about: Videogames I'm playing, cdramas I'm watching, some fandom stuff, my writing (fanfic, though I'd like to work on original stuff). Occasional life stuff, but I'm a private person who prefers to keep her online & offline lives separate so it's vague if I do post something.
My hobbies are: Videogames (PS5 & I got a Switch recently), writing, watching cdramas & reading (mainly cnovels these days), I've been watching some videos about scrapbooking/journalling, & would like to try that out.
My fandoms are: SVSSS, MDZS, cdramas, Devil May Cry
I'm looking to meet people who: Share some of my interests, so I can feel less like I'm talking into the void when I post, & give me something to read on my reading page. Would prefer people somewhat close to me in age.
My posting schedule tends to be: Fairly sporadic. I post if I have something to say, which sometimes works out as weekly, maybe a couple of posts within the space of a week, or I might go a few weeks without posting anything.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: Controversial dealbreaker these days, but I am very much not comfortable with the word 'queer'. I'm bi & I resent it having been made an umbrella term & slung around casually as a cute marketing buzzword, & anyone who has any kind of objection gets shouted down. I have no objection if that's how you choose to identify, but if it's a major part of your vocabulary & is cropping up multiple times in every post, there's a decent chance we may not get along.
* Everything Goes On plays in the distance *
Apr. 25th, 2026 10:15 amspringsodasNot willing to talk about this too much at a length, but there's something I have been thinking a lot about recently. I still enjoy a lot of things adjacent to fandom—I like drawing fanart, I like writing fanfic, I like making OCs, and I do indulge in the occasional AU every now and again. I also enjoy talking to people about my favorite shows, comics, and video games—not only is it a great way to meet friends with similar interests, but it's fun to come up with theories and "what if" scenarios together because, sometimes, there was something we really wanted to see out of the story, but then it didn't deliver for some reason. In that regard, I enjoy the fanbases that spring up around the media I enjoy.
But a wise Youtube comment I once read made the distinction between fanbase and fandom, where fanbase broadly refers to all the fans of a given franchise—the casual enjoyers, the fanartists, the fic writers, the cosplayers, the collectors, the convention-goers, the people who make video essays, and those whose community participation is exclusively through discussion. Fandom is a whole different matter and I'm not sure how to explain it without accidentally making the whole thing out to be spaces full of nothing but crazy people. (Which, to be fair, a lot of ridiculous shit has gone down both in real life and online because people got too... invested in their favorite franchises.Kōhei Horikoshi being sent death threats for not making BakuDeku canon at the end of MHA is neither the first nor the last time fans have threatened bodily harm to creators over shipping.)
I think the best way to put it is that I am finally starting to grow out of fandom, and I don't mean that in the sense I've gotten too old for it. It's more that I am finally starting to open my eyes to a lot of the gripes and criticisms of fannish communities, ones that I used to turn a blind eye to because I thought people were just being judgemental, but now realize aren't entirely unfounded. I won't name any of the specifics because, again, I don't want to paint these communities in a purely negative light, but at this point? I get it. I get why so many people choose to steer clear of fandoms. While there are plenty of nice people who participate in those communities (I know because I'm friends with them), there are also a lot of people who make them absolutely insufferable spaces to be in and all it takes is a few rotten apples to ruin the entire barrel.
It's a little bittersweet because when I think about why I got into fandom, it was the community aspect. I was one of the "weird" kids growing up who struggled to make many friends and since my family generally isn't into the same stuff I am, fandoms were the only places where I was able to talk to people about the things I enjoyed and find the social acceptance I couldn't get in real life. But it was also a form of escapism and, ultimately, a distraction from my issues in real life. I'd even argue it was actually holding me back from making any real progress in my life. I mean if there's so much security and comfort to be found here, why leave and face reality? (Said as if I don't constantly experience anxiety and fear that exactly one poorly-worded post that goes against the popular take is all it'll take to get me blocked, bullied, and kicked out of the community.)
The irony is that, again, I like talking to people who enjoy the same things I do. I like making things based on whatever franchise is the current hyperfixation. And I like sharing those things with others. If we're looking at things purely from that perspective, I'm happy to refer to myself as being a part of a fanbase, whichever one that may be. But my viewpoints on fandom have shifted a lot in the last few years and I just don't look at those communities the same way I used to back when I was in my teens and early/mid twenties. More importantly, now that I've been involved in the streaming gig for about a month, I'm starting to look towards video editing and posting to Youtube, both to help advertise my Twitch channel and to explore other avenues of creativity, so I just have other things to focus on now.
I'm still not entirely sure what this means for the future—I'm still in charge of one or two fannish communities and I don't see myself stepping down from the admin role despite being less inclined to actively participate in them—but there is a part of me that's kind of glad to finally no longer be tying myself to a culture I have, admittedly, become increasingly frustrated with. I just wish there wasn't this sense of isolation knowing it's for viewpoints that I don't think anyone I know really shares.
But a wise Youtube comment I once read made the distinction between fanbase and fandom, where fanbase broadly refers to all the fans of a given franchise—the casual enjoyers, the fanartists, the fic writers, the cosplayers, the collectors, the convention-goers, the people who make video essays, and those whose community participation is exclusively through discussion. Fandom is a whole different matter and I'm not sure how to explain it without accidentally making the whole thing out to be spaces full of nothing but crazy people. (Which, to be fair, a lot of ridiculous shit has gone down both in real life and online because people got too... invested in their favorite franchises.
I think the best way to put it is that I am finally starting to grow out of fandom, and I don't mean that in the sense I've gotten too old for it. It's more that I am finally starting to open my eyes to a lot of the gripes and criticisms of fannish communities, ones that I used to turn a blind eye to because I thought people were just being judgemental, but now realize aren't entirely unfounded. I won't name any of the specifics because, again, I don't want to paint these communities in a purely negative light, but at this point? I get it. I get why so many people choose to steer clear of fandoms. While there are plenty of nice people who participate in those communities (I know because I'm friends with them), there are also a lot of people who make them absolutely insufferable spaces to be in and all it takes is a few rotten apples to ruin the entire barrel.
It's a little bittersweet because when I think about why I got into fandom, it was the community aspect. I was one of the "weird" kids growing up who struggled to make many friends and since my family generally isn't into the same stuff I am, fandoms were the only places where I was able to talk to people about the things I enjoyed and find the social acceptance I couldn't get in real life. But it was also a form of escapism and, ultimately, a distraction from my issues in real life. I'd even argue it was actually holding me back from making any real progress in my life. I mean if there's so much security and comfort to be found here, why leave and face reality? (Said as if I don't constantly experience anxiety and fear that exactly one poorly-worded post that goes against the popular take is all it'll take to get me blocked, bullied, and kicked out of the community.)
The irony is that, again, I like talking to people who enjoy the same things I do. I like making things based on whatever franchise is the current hyperfixation. And I like sharing those things with others. If we're looking at things purely from that perspective, I'm happy to refer to myself as being a part of a fanbase, whichever one that may be. But my viewpoints on fandom have shifted a lot in the last few years and I just don't look at those communities the same way I used to back when I was in my teens and early/mid twenties. More importantly, now that I've been involved in the streaming gig for about a month, I'm starting to look towards video editing and posting to Youtube, both to help advertise my Twitch channel and to explore other avenues of creativity, so I just have other things to focus on now.
I'm still not entirely sure what this means for the future—I'm still in charge of one or two fannish communities and I don't see myself stepping down from the admin role despite being less inclined to actively participate in them—but there is a part of me that's kind of glad to finally no longer be tying myself to a culture I have, admittedly, become increasingly frustrated with. I just wish there wasn't this sense of isolation knowing it's for viewpoints that I don't think anyone I know really shares.
(no subject)
Apr. 24th, 2026 10:46 pmmossypaws posting in addmeName: Leaf
Age: early 40s
I mostly post about: I haven't posted on my journal yet but when I do it'll probably be about books, music, nature and journaling or whatever I'm currently hyperfocused on
My hobbies are: Hiking, longboarding, learning languages (Swedish and Japanese), music, anime and books
My fandoms are: His Dark Materials, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Loveless (the manga)
I'm looking to meet people who: Post about their hobbies, interests, projects or little everyday joys
My posting schedule tends to be: sporadic, I think
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: Transphobia, antisemitism, or any other kind of discrimination. Climate-change-denialism, antivaxxing or similar anti-science BS. Generative AI "content".
Before adding me, you should know: I don't know yet how active I'm going to be :)
